Ambassador Lands on Pitcairn Islands
June 19th 2013| By
J.E.Ditor
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2018
April
For Eleventh Straight Year, Relay for Life Fails to End Death
January
RIT Clarifies Legality of Flamethrowers on Campus: "Of Course Not, You Fucking Idiots"
2017
October
Trump Calls for Drastic Measures after Terrorist Attack at Reichstag
September
After Engineering Building Fire, Students Told to Test 'Arson-Bot' Somewhere Else
Ted Cruz Secretly Just Relieved that World Didn't See his Favorite Porn
May
Non-Union Moveout Day Worker found with Broken Legs after 'Falling Down Stairs'
March
Merkel Snaps Halfway Through Conference with Trump, "Okay, ha-ha, where's the real president?"
February
Steve Bannon Definately Not Forming Private Milita, Spicer tells Press
January
Some Messages from Rockettopia Institute of Technology
Mexico to Build Wall, Make America Pay
2016
December
Rockettopia First Night Ice Sculpture Just Giant Turd
Audacity College Changes Name, Size, Focus, All Defining Attributes
August
Paul Ryan Responds to Trump Comments: "Everything's Going to be Fine, Reince. Step Away from the Edge"
July
During Acceptance Speech, Trump Reveals True Form to Delegates
June
Britain Leads America; "We Can Make Astonishingly Stupid Decisions Too!"
Judge: "Let's Just Fucking Call It - Rich White People are Above the Law
May
Daenerys Targaryen Announces Plans to Conquer World by Walking Out of Fires
New RAs Inducted in Ancient Ceremony
State of Indiana Wakes Up Morning After; Realizes with Horror What they Did Yesterday
Trump Plans to Crush Opposition in Indiana
Roose Bolton, Balon Greyjoy Dead of Fatal Convieniance Deficience
April
Alistar Thorne Releases Statement: "Snow Never Told Me Not to Stab Him"
FEMA Dowses Rockettopia with Water after Plumes of Smoke Seen Rising from City
Snipers Patrol Audacity College to Ensure Students Stay In Line for Accepted Students Day
Sean Penn to Interview Hero of Upcoming Film
Review: The Brothers Grimm Spectactulathon
Autism Speaks Changes Name to Autism Parents Yell
March
Audacity College Student Gov't Election Results
Rockettopia on Lockdown after Peeps Escape U of R Lab
EXCLUSIVE: Cruz Love Letters Found; Written in Strange Cipher
Tabloid Alleges that Five Women Willing to Bang Ted Cruz
Trump Excited about New Tragedy to Exploit
On St. Patrick's Day, Americans Celebrate Irish Contributions and Culture- No, Just Kidding, It's Booze
With New ALICE Protocol, RHS Prepares for Inevitable School Shooting
Rubio Undergoes Ritual Purification in Preparation for Florida Primary
Rubio Campaign Digs in for Final Stand in Florida
Reince Priebus Seen Meeting with Shady Figures in Dark Alley
February
Americans Enjoy Last Day of Imagining Trump Not GOP Nominee
Manaical Laughter, Boasts Heard Eminating from Storm-Shrouded Trump Tower
Jeb Bush Checks Facebook to Find Worried Messages from Friends, Family
Shepard Smith Stuck in Iowa Caucuses Time Loop Until He Experiences Epiphany
'Bernie Bros' Already Composing Tirade About 'Rigged Election' for Reddit in case of Clinton Win
January
Sticky Note Situation Ends with Stunning Events
With One Week Until Iowa Caucus, Residents Advised to Stay Indoors, Bar Windows
Strange Sticky-Note Presence Grows around Audacity College
In Wake of Celebrity Deaths, New Scientific Study Concludes All Humans Slowly Dying
STDs 'Really Excited' for Resumption of College Life
Trump Rally Attended by Psychologists Attempting to Study the Mentally Deranged
2015
November
Audacity College White Student Union Opens, Impressively Boasts Zero Swastikas
Following Paris Attacks, Nation's Lawmakers Suggest Policies Modelled off Japanese Internment, Nuremburg Laws
Yale Faculty Contravercially Refuse To Tell Students What To Do
American Public Torn Between Hatred of Rape, Kesha
October
Rockettopia Makes Frantic Final Halloween Preparations
Nation Startled that Democrats Taking Election Seriously
PAUSE Club Controversially Questions Holiday Honoring Mass Murderer
Following Air Strike on Hospital, DoD asks "Why Do People Care Now"
September
Wiccan Temple of Rockettopia Definitely Not Connected to Strange Noises; Screams During Eclipse
For Lunar Eclipse, U of R Students Point Telescopes Skyward For Once
Campus Eerily Quiet as Students Hide from Parents
CPS Sweeps Bankus Hall for Drugs; "This is totally going to work" says Chief
Uneventful Wednesday a Welcome Relief During Spirit Week
Amid Controversy, Pres. McDonald Cancels "Politically Incorrect" Disney Caricature Event
Audacity College Survives First Day of Spirit Week
Jensen Closes Borders as Bankus Refugee Crisis Worsens
Local Trees Kinda Freaked Out by Sudden Interest from University of Rockettopia Students
August
Relations Between Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj Tense Following VMA Incident
Audacity College Establishes Review Board to Clarify Extension Cord Policies
Teenage Boy Goes Away to College, Donates Large Collection of Rocks to Day-Care Center
After Trump Announces Immigration Plan, RNC Chair Reince Priebus Announces Plan to Drink Heavily
America Outraged Over Senseless Murders of Predatory Cat, Inanimate Object
July
Nation Wishes It Could Just Have A Few Weeks Between Mass Shootings
37 Million Assholes Freak Out After Massive Karma Spill
Museum of Assholery Announces New "Donald J. Trump Hall"
Seaworld Closes after Harry Styles Delivers Smackdown
News from Rockettopia Show: July 8th 2015
News from Rockettopia Show: July 2nd 2015
June
Another Fucking Guy Enters Presidential Race
News from Rockettopia Show: June 16th 2015
Donald Trump Announces Presidential Run, Promises To "Make this thing more entertaining"
Rockettopia Shut Down for 18 Hours after Shrubbery Mistaken for Escaped Fugitives
Slavonistan to Dedicate Troops to War on ISIS
May
Gamers Disappointed to Learn that Assassin's Creed Skill Does Not Translate to Assassins Skill
Principal Resigns amid Presumable Controversy
Tennessee Students Demand Food Less Than Two Years Old; Still Reject Rockettopia Donation of KFC
April
After April Break, RHS Seniors Brace For Final Stretch of Slacking Off
Blogger and Spambot Conversation Transcript - Yes, it is Just as Boring as it Sounds
Senior Class Instructed to Stop Doing Drugs; "We're Serious This Time", says Administration
March
Our Mr. Rockettopia Predictions
February
Sectarian Violence Erupts Over Color of Dress
New Marijuana Findings Spur Lack of Change in Drug Policy
New Movie Fifty Shades of Grey Presents Hope for Acceptance of Abusive Relationships
With Climate Change Looming, Nature Stages One Final Ice Age Re-Enactment
January
Athletes and Coaches Rush to Condemn DeflateGate - 'Cheating in Sports Should Be Accomplished Only with Drugs'
RHS Celebrates MLK Day & Cultural Proficiency with African-American-Themed Day
Chorus Involved in Occult Activities
Bizarre Error Message Most Interesting Part of RHSN Newscast
School Board Considers Cutting Funding for Music Department Buzzing Sound
2014 Year in Review
2014
December
The 2014 Pep Rally: What Went Wrong and Why
School Administration Slams Winterfest for 'Misogyny', 'Lack of Cultural Proficiency'
November
Ebola Stokes Fear in Vampire Community
October
Vacationers Canceling Trips to Alaska to Avoid Mexican Drug War
Shepard Smith fired from Fox News for Journalistic Integrity
September
Instead of Building Suspense, Blogger Just Being Annoying
August
Obama: United States Cannot Bring Peace to United States
Tragic Case of Military Brutality Sparks Anger, Controversy
Rich White Men Defend Right to Work Blacks Without Pay
European Space Agency Defends Harpooning of Comet by Claiming "Scientific Research"
June
Study: Parody of Transformers Films Indistinguishable from Originals
Animals Without Complex Nervous Systems Such as Flatworms, Ann Coulter Still Capable of Basic Learning
Man Stuck In Giant Vagina Sculpture Plans to Continue Search for Most Embarrassing Accident
May
Citizens March To No Practical Purpose in Carefully Choreographed Drill
Mass Shooting Gets Little Coverage
Lawsuit-Embroiled Weird Shoe Company Defends Itself; "Our Shoes Protect Against STDs"
April
Donetsk, Ukraine Observes Passover By Re-Enacting Antisemitism
AGSA Should Not Have Kept Quiet About Day of Silence
Ryan Proposes New Budget; Likely More Campaign Tool Than Legislation
March
RHS Addiction Task Force Going After 2048
School Musical Message: Repression is For Your Own Good
RHSN Screws Up School Musical Information, Still Better than CNN
Twitter Pre-emptively Complaining About Oscar Picks
February
Mysterious Posters Confound School Officials
BREAKING: Snow Predicted to End by 2017
January
School Staff Somehow Manages To Screw Up Propaganda Posters
New Kickstarter Raising Money for Hit Job on Geico Marketers
2013
December
Facebook Continues Campaign to Become Abandoned and Obsolete
Study Shows 2013 Not Over Yet
November
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is Not A Real Person, Says Study
October
BOSTON RED SOX WIN WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sexy Halloween Costumes
RHS Religious Club Holds Pre-Halloween Seminar on Demonic Possession
Congress Now Wishing it was as Popular as Iran
Shutdown Beginning to Impact Congress' Ability to Do Nothing
September
Rockettopia High School RADD Club: An Overview
Pirate Flag Over RHS Misunderstood by Everyone
Violent War Erupts in Cafeteria Over Seats
August
Discovery Channel Employee Leaks Shark Week Conclusion
July
A Month After End Of School, Students Already Bored Out Of Their Minds
June
Ambassador Lands on Pitcairn Islands
Performance of Inherit The Wind Interrupted by Ape Offended By The Idea That They Are Descended From Creationists
Poll Shows That Among RHS Students, 0% Care About Student Government
NSA Now Giving Dating Advice
Poll Finds that Among People Who Dislike Two Steps from Hell, 0% Have Ever Heard A Two Steps from Hell Song
Rockettopian Appointed American Ambassador to Pitcairn Islands
May
A Modest Proposal: Improving RHS One Step At A Time Step 1 of 100257279129404975...
Poll Shows No One Likes Westboro Baptist Church
Goats Outraged Over Mountain Dew Commercial
April
Poll Finds 50% of Rockettopia High School Teachers Cannot Tell the Difference between Twitter and Angry Birds
Movie Director Severely Wounded after Turkey Attack
Earth Day Issue: Earth Complains about Week-late Birthday Parties, Green Team Hosts Cleanup, and SSE Hosts Coal-burning Protest
Solidarity
Police Sting Fails when Drug Sniffing Dogs Confused with Drug Snorting Dogs
Paranoia Club Insists Angry Birds is a Terrorist Front
Students Request Drug Sniffing Dogs for Rockettopia High
Wellness Class Test Determines Which Form of Delusional Ignorance You Have
Today, We Salute Others
March
Pope Francis Endorsed by Jesus
In Concolatory Match, Knowing Stuff Team is Soundly Defeated by Trained Snails
New Marijuana Dowsing Rod Fails
MCAS Rescheduled for Next Monday; Hundreds of Students Disappointed to Find they Played Sick for Nothing
Les Miserables Prostitutes "Overdressed" Say RHS Theatergoers
Poll finds that 60% of RHS Students Believe that "Take Back the Night" club is About Controlling Raccoons
"Art in Bloom" turns bad when Ecology Club Involved
February
In Another Horrifying Bloodbath, Orch Dorks Meet Orc Dorks
'Downton Abbey: Season 4' to feature alarmingly high body count
RSHN Anchor Falls Asleep During Broadcast
Detective Club 'Confused' by Mysterious Posters
Instead of Kim Kardashian, RHS Pop Culture Club Accidentally Books Kim Jong-Un for Seminar; Surprised to get Someone so Intelligent and Popular
January
Locker Fire Caused By Joint thrown by Unaccounted-for Pocketknife-carrying Student into Unused Locker filled with Inappropriate Clothing
Goth vs. Goth Prank Goes Horribly Awry
Lance Armstrong Apologizes for Doping; "I would never have done it if I had known I would be caught"
Baboons Object to Being Compared to Congress
Representative Bill Stoner: "I will vote to confirm Chuck Yeager only if Obama Admits he was Born in Lasagna"
Speaker Boehner to Senator Reid: "Go f**k yourself". We're Serious.
Philosophy Club: 'Don't Say That 2013 Couldn't Be As Weird As 2012'
2012
December
Americans Reporting Physical Revulsion to the Phrase "Fiscal Cliff"
Wicca Club: Our activities on the Solstice definitely had nothing to do with Summoning Demons
CNN Special Report: Ohio Dog Behaving Oddly
The Mayan Apocalypse PROPERLY Explained
The Mayan Apocalypse Explained
What to Expect in the Next Four Days
NRA: Democrats "Might use this as an excuse to save our children"
North Korea Launches Satellites, Newscasters Declare: "This means ANYTHING is possible"
Psy Apologises for 2004 Song Praising the Killing of US Troops: "I never thought anyone would ever know or care"
Obama says America 'Might Leave Afghanistan Someday'
Rockettopia to Send Washington D.C. Emergency Shipment of Preschool Teachers
November
Special Report from the Korean Central News Agency
"Breaking Dawn: Part 2" represents "Monumental Breakthrough" in Enhanced Interrogation Techniques
March
Kim Kardashian Responds to 'Idiot' Remark in a Monosyllabic Rant
Quarterback Kidnapped by Robot Helicopter
February
New Discoveries Suggest Little Change in Valentines Day Traditions
New England Refuses to Accept that Patriots Sucked
January
Supply Side Economics Club Calls Obama Mars Conspiracy a Liberal Conspiracy
Joe Paterno Dies, People Immedietly Forget What an Asshole He Was
Students Suffer Fatal Heart Attacks After Teacher Asks if 'T-bow' is a World of Warcraft Weapon
2011
December
Merry Christmas! Sponsored by We Are Toys
New Religious Clubs introduced to Rockettopia High
Principal Returns from South Pacific Captivity Dressed as Hula Dancer, is Mistaken for Popular Girl
November
Thanksgiving Concert Sabotaged
D&D Club Least Equipped to Handle Actual Troll
Student Sells Soul to Satan for CityCash
Sex in Sectionals
October
GSA Running Short of New Gay Recruits
String-Chorus Feud Turns Nasty