Student government elections were announced on Tuesday night in a candy-fueled extravaganza. We were unable to cover the story until now because we have been very busy, and also the town was locked down again after it was discovered that one of the peeps had survived. The presidency was won by Cathy McMurdo, a rising senior majoring in Networking and Cybersecurity. MrMurdo won by a sizable margin despite her opponent's claims that she was born in Raiderton and his promises to 'Build a wall and make Universiry of Rockettopia pay for it!' McMurdo was plagued by contraversey throughout her run, including questions about her stunning four-figure speaking fees from TherMouse and her insinuations that Sodexo food is actually edible. The campaign also survived a scandal in which MrMurdo's vice-president James LaRinne confessed to not smoking marijuana.

The class of 2019 elected Early Childhood Education major LaMari McSmithstein to the student government's senate for her promise to figure out what the student government does. McSmithstein has promised to learn if the student government has money, whether it makes rules, what it does with its money, whether it can legalize marijuana, where it gets its money, if it ever meets, and if it has money at all. She also promises to find out who the other student government senators are, assuming that there are senators other than her, which there might not be. Voters responded strongly to McSmithstein's promise of accountability, and elected her with an overwhelming 90% of the vote.

There is also probably a secretary or something.