Over the past week, over thirty colleges have seen outbreaks of so-called 'White Student Unions'. This trend began at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, and has since spread to dozens of colleges across America. As of today, that list includes our very own Audacity College. No one is sure if this trend is a response to #BlackLivesMatter, the Syrian refugee crisis, or simply an ongoing trend toward racial equality, but privileged white millennials certainly seem to be losing their shit. "It's outrageous that when blacks found a student union, they're 'civil rights activists', but when whites found one, we're 'racists'", one of the roughly four dozen Matts at Audacity told News from Rockettopia. "It's time to take our country back! But not like that. You know what I mean."
The Audacity College White Student Union was founded earlier today, has so far accumulated an impressive five likes, and an even more impressive zero swastikas. As of this time, no cross burnings have been planned, but we at News from Rockettopia can't promise anything on that front. We will continue to provide updates until this page is taken down twenty-four hours from now.