As America has barreled headlong into the most bizarre election in history - with two unlikable candidates, one of whom is... this... - the people of the U.K took yesterday's 'Brexit' referendum as a chance to show that they too can make mindblowingly stupid decisions that fly in the face of logic. Britain, which narrowly voted to leave the EU, a move which - despite all common decency - the media insists on referring to as 'Brexit'. 'Brexit' is a portmanteau of 'Britain', referring to the U.K., and 'Exit', referring to the act of drunkenly running away screaming obscenities. Obviously, a better and more accurate term would have been a portmanteau of 'UK' and 'skedaddle'. But despite the best efforts of Wolf Blitzer, the term 'Ukedaddle' never really caught on, perhaps because it sounds less like a global financial catastrophe and more like a rooster playing country music. Which, we suppose, might actually be a substantially worse experience for those unfortunate enough to be nearby.
But despite the massive potential economic and political fallout, 51% of Brits voted yesterday for Brexit (Ukedaddle?). But this was more than simply a display of thickheaded nationalism and xenophobia in the face of facts and reason - it was an attempt to show the world that the United States of America does not have a monopoly on making fantastically stupid decisions. "By nominating a racist mountebank reality show clown for their nation's highest office, those Yanks have really set a high bar for badly-informed and worse-thought-out decisions", a member of UKIP told News from Rockettopia. "But today we showed those buggers that they still have a lot to learn from old England! Now excuse me, dear chap, I've to go celebrate by snorting tea off the Union Jack!" While our... enthusiastic friend's use of the term 'England' instead of 'Britain' or 'The U.K' may seem incorrect (And we may seem very pedantic for saying so), it's actually correct, as Scotland overwhelmingly voted to stay in the EU, with Northern Ireland concurring by a smaller margin. The eventual nationwide vote to leave led many Scots to respond, "Vote to leave a union? Stoatn' idea, laddie!". If you have any idea what this means, please get in touch.
To make matters even worse for defenders of American exceptionalism when it comes to poor decision-making, after the resignation of British P.M. David Cameron, the new leader of the U.K. could be former London mayor Boris Johnson, a man who imitates Donald Trump from racism and xenophobia to even the 'hair'style.
But unless America actually elects Donald J. Trump president - which for some crazy fucking reason is apparently a legitimate possibility and no longer just the world's most disappointing acid trip - the U.K. appears to pulled ahead when it comes to the voters making terrible, terrible decisions.