BREAKING: News from Rockettopia has just obtained these exclusive letters from alleged Ted Cruz mistress Amanda Carpenter. They were apparently found at the bottom of Ms. Carpenter's desk drawer. It's not breaking and entering if you're a reporter.... Right? We should probably get a lawyer.

Carter categorically denied the allegations on CNN friday morning, but despite this the scandal has continued to blossom throughout today. Cruz himself even held a press conference to deny the allegations and accused his rival Donald Trump of being behind them. The letters we obtained (Remember: That window was already broken when we got there) may provide hard proof of Cruz's illicit affairs. However, we won't know one way or the other unless we can translate the strange code that the letters are written in.

We assume that thing at the bottom is a signature of some sort

What does it say? We can only guess

Our best cryptographers are working double-time to crack the Cruz Cipher, but so far we have no luck. If any of our readers are cryptographers or know cryphographers, we encourage you to take a crack at decrypting the Cruz Cipher.

More on this story, and the Cruz Sex Scandal, as it develops and grows to consume every bit of news on this blog.