As the RHS Senior Assassins game began this week, the gamer segment of the community was shocked and disappointed to learn that their extensive experience with Assassin's Creed did not give them any advantage in the game. Surprisingly, skill with wrist knives, the ability to press buttons really, really fast, and experience killing Templars conferred no ability at tracking down and shooting teenagers with water guns. "I've beaten all the games on brutal difficulty, so I thought I'd be fine," local gamer Stephen Thomas told News from Rockettopia. "But when I tried to hide from my assassin by crouching in tall grass, he just started laughing uncontrollably and then squirted me once he caught his breath!"

In definitely completely unrelated news, the Engineering Club has claimed that their recent acquisition of staggering amounts of fertilizer and strange activities near the dam are "completely harmless".