As expected, Lance Armstrong confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs in his interview with Oprah Winfrey. In his own words, "I made a terrible mistake by using drugs to enhance my performance. I mean, not the same way Viagra does. A different kind of performance. Aww, hell! I realize now I made a terrible mistake and ruined what could have been a great career. I swear, I never would have done it if I realized I'd be caught! I mistakenly believed that even if I was incredibly good at biking, as long as I vigorously denied my crimes, I would never found out, and what the world doesn't know won't hurt them, ya know? I became an idol to the world because I used these drugs, but I ruined it all by using these drugs." Some in the media have called Armstrong's confession "unrepentant"(Sports Illustrated), "morally deficient"(ABC), "horrifyingly soulless"(ESPN), "Hey! Look at this cool touch-screen!"(CNN), and "f**king stupid"(Jon Stewart). However, we at News from Rockettopia still point out that, well, it's still a step up from every politician ever.