This Wednesday, North Korea announced that they had successfully launched a satellite into orbit. News anchors and pundits took this in stride, making jokes and generally taking the announcement with a grain of salt. But then a report came out that stunned the world into a shocked and horrified silence: the reports of the satellite launch might be true.

Further investigations showed that North Korea had, in fact, launched a 3-stage rocket carrying a satellite into orbit. As North Korea's missile tests have barely cleared the country to crash into the ocean, the world took the news that the North Koreans had managed to pull off a success in their ballistics program as a message that, in the words of CNN's Anderson Cooper: "This means ANYTHING is possible!"

Other newscasters and pundits jumped on board. ABC news announced that China had legalized unions and set a minimum wage. NBC told the world that the UN nations had voted unanimously to forgive all the world's debt. MSNBC declared that unemployment was down to 3%, and FOX news presented a 3-hour expose about the UN's plans to kidnap our children for their army and form a one-world government. With further investigation, News from Rockettopia found that the latter of these represented no significant change. Weather forecasters are currently predicting 90o temperatures for Canada and 3 feet of snow in Rio de Janeiro. One particularly optimistic forecaster predicted a rain of kittens and bolts of silk in Nevada. A less ambitious forecaster predicted a rain in Nevada.

Reporters stopped short, however, at predicting an agreement in Washington. As CNN's Shepard Smith put it: "You can only go so far with this."

UPDATE: A new report showed that the Korean Satellite might have an irregular and out-of-control orbit. The North Korean Government has denied this claim. Finally, some semblance of reality has been restored.

Further Reading: