A continuing poll by the Rockettopia High School Polling Club is suggesting that no one likes the Westboro Baptist Church. The Westboro Baptist Church, which stages extremely homophobic protests at the funerals of dead soldiers, has been called "The most reviled group in America." by me, just now. The RHSPC set out to find out how many Americans agree with the church's views. The question was, "What is your opinion of the Westboro Baptist Church?", and the answer choices were "I don't know what that is.", "I'm a fan", "I dislike gays but think they're very offensive.", "I have no opinion.", "I dislike them.", "I hate them.", "I really hate them.", and "If hell exists, it has a special place for people like that.". After early issues, the RHSPC found it necessary to add a new response, "None of those options, not even the last one, can express my loathing for those scum.". In a poll of RHSers, the RHSPC found that most had heard of the Westboro Baptist Church, and in that group, opinions ranged from "I hate them." to the last one. Not a single student was found to like the Church.
To continue the search for a Westboro Baptist Church fan, the RHSBC scaled up their polls of students and still found no one who supported the Church. They expanded the poll to Rockettopia townsfolk and still found no one. Even after every human being in Rockettopia had been polled, not a single person had chosen "I'm a fan." or "I have no opinion.". With assistance from major journalistic organizations, the poll was expanded to the entire country, and when no supporters of the Church were found in all of America, the world. At the time of this writing, over five billion people have been polled, and not a single one has supported the Westboro Baptist Church. Mullah Muhammed Omar, leader of the Taliban, picked "Dislike gays but they're offensive." When asked about his choice, Omar commented, "The Taliban shoots teenage girls in the head, but those Westboro Baptist Church people, they're a little extreme for us."
Pollsters are currently attempting to contact isolated tribes in the Amazon Rainforest to get their opinion. Another group is using radio waves to try to find out what any observing aliens think. At this point, the RHSPC has concluded that, in all likelihood, not a single human being supports the Westboro Baptist Church.