International observers have expressed concern following yesterday's confrontation between Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj at the MTV Video Music Awards. The incident occurred during Minaj's acceptance of the Best Porn Set To Music, just after she had thanked her pastor (Apparently she has a pastor). Minaj, a piece of plastic augmented with human implants, called former child star and current pop culture reference Miley Cyrus a "bitch", apparently in response to Cyrus' comments the previous day. According to firsthand accounts, Minaj then asserted her dominance by shoving her new award completely into her vagina, pulling it out, and shouting "Suck on that, whore!", but by this time the frantic editors at MTV had cut to commercial break.
It has now been nearly twenty-four hours, and tensions are still high. For the moment, the conflict has failed to escalate beyond small exchanges of tweets, but the situation could still intensify further. As international relations experts expert Laura Blumenfeld told News from Rockettopia when we contacted her, "Who the fuck are you guys? It's two in the morning! Uh huh, uh huh... Wait, you want my opinions on what? You gotta be fucking with me. I'm going back to sleep, and if this is you Hillary, you better watch your personal email servers very carefully."
As things stand now, Cyrus and Minaj are facing off, with neither willing to make the first move. Cyrus has deployed construction equipment near Minaj's secret lair in Malibu, a move which she calls "defensive". Meanwhile, Minaj has been seen with large amounts of dangerous reptiles, and no, we do not mean her fans. She has said in her defense that she only aquired the reptiles because she enjoys being surrounded by scaly, cold-blooded eating machines with very little brain and the papparazzi can't be everywhere at once. According to an expert who appeared today on MTV, if Minaj wins the potential conflict, Cyrus could always flee to Sweden, which has declared Nicki Minaj's ass an "unknown and potentially dangerous material" and banned her from entering the country until research can be conducted.
As this political quagmire continues, we will continue to bring you coverage until we get bored.