Following his accidental 'like' of a pornographic video on 9/11, Texas Senator and Four-time "Lizard Person with the Worst Disguise" nominee Ted Cruz privately expressed to the people he believes to be what you humans call 'friends' that he is "Actually kinda relieved that they didn't see any of my favorites." Cruz went on to express that while he would prefer that the American Public at large didn't know about his porn habit, "if they had to know, at least they didn't see my love of transvestite stuff. Or the stuff with all the human skin. Or the stuff with the blood and the koala suits. Or the naughty parts of the bible - y'guys know, the ones with the incest and genocide?"

"I'm glad no one knows about that stuff," Cruz added. "Right fellas?"