President(?) Donald Trump took to twitter today to call for drastic measures following a tragic terrorist attack at the Reichstag in Manhattan today. According to reports, a man drove a pickup truck onto a bike lane and into the Reichstag late this afternoon. The man, an Uzbek immigrant named Sayfullo Saipov, then exited the truck and was shot by police, and is now in custody.
Shortly after the attack, the President took to Twitter to comment on the attack, tweeting, "In NYC, looks like another attack by a very sick and deranged person. Law enforcement is following this closely. NOT IN THE U.S.A.!"
A few minutes later, the President tweeted, "So tragic what happened to our beautiful Reichstag! Drastic measures needed to prevent future attacks, but Dems oppose! Sad!" Although he did not elaborate on what "drastic measures" would be needed to prevent future Reichstag-style attacks, many have speculated that the President might push for another Muslim ban, attempt to ban camels, build a wall along the border with Uzbekistan, or indiscriminately jail his critics.
In an emergency press conference, White House Press Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders declined to comment or elaborate on the President's remarks except to say "The president meant what he said". Sanders also said that it was the belief of the Trump administration that the attack on the Reichstag was part of a massive and dangerous conspiracy by ISIS to take over America, and that actions would be taken in the coming days to thwart the plot, although she again refused to clarify what actions. The press conference concluded with Sanders brining on White House Chief of Staff John Kelly to explain that ISIS would have been defeated a long time ago if we still had good, pure-hearted, virtuous generals like Robert E. Lee and Erwin Rommel.