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Saturday, February 20 2016
Antonin Scalia Memorial Extravaganza
A memorial service for the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia will be held at the abandoned warehouse in the industrial park. Effigies will be provided, but attendees will be expected to bring their own champagne and rotten tomatoes for throwing.

Sunday, February 21 2016
Antonin Scalia Memorial Extravaganza (cont.)
The memorial extravaganza for the late Justice Scalia will continue, with male, female, gay and straight strippers paying tribute to Scalia via interpritave dance. Scalia will also be celebrated by public gun-meltings and a drive to register minorities to vote. Again, attendees are encouraged to bring their own alcohol, and while cocaine is technically not allowed, if someone was to bring some the security might look the other way.
Jeb Bush Concession Speech